I have been saying since I was a little girl that I would write a book someday. It is and has been my ultimate dream for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I have started writing hundreds of books that I could never manage to take past a couple paragraphs. The characters had names, but not much else. I always spent so much time trying to come up with the perfect names, I neglected to come up with an actual story. They were underdeveloped, or overdeveloped and the plots lacked absolutely everywhere. I was trying to put all my eggs in one basket and crank out a novel so I could get started on my dream. Clearly I had not yet realized that things would not just fall into my lap one day. I would have to work for it. I would have to fail, possibly repeatedly, before I would truly succeed.
So, I started writing one. Like, seriously writing. I am posting it online chapter-by-chapter for the time being. My goal is simply to finish it. It would be wonderful to have it published someday, of course, but either way, it must be finished first. If only one person enjoys reading it I'll feel as though I have succeeded. I think that, lately, I have been spending entirely too much time focusing on things I want, and things I don't have, places I feel I should have already been, and goals I should have already achieved. I'm great at doling out advice, but I'm not always good at following it. If I want to go somewhere, I need to take a damn step.
Around the time of my birthday, in the beginning of February, I hit "pause" on everything. I got sad and grumpy and lonely. I felt like a loser and a failure with nothing to show for her life. I know none of this is actually true, but nonetheless, it is where my brain was at the time. Not constantly, but more than I care to admit. So, one day, I just said "You're never going to be happy until you do what you've always wanted to do". I started messing around with an idea I'd had brewing for awhile, and a few weeks later, I had Chapter 1 of "Wiener Brain" finished. It took a few days to actually work up the nerve to post it. It is now a little over a week later and I am currently working on Chapter 8. The book has already developed a bit of a following. Of course, as a result of the time I am spending writing my book, my blog posts are suffering. I am asking you all to please be patient with me and maybe hop on over to Wattpad, to check it out. Also, I would be thrilled to get some opinions on my book from my blog followers.
To read "Wiener Brain" click (here)
Remember, it's not finished, and it is only a first draft. I try to get a chapter finished every couple days. Sometimes I finish them early, sometimes it takes a little longer. I will also keep everyone updated via "Stuff" on the book's progress. If you're already a "Wattpad" member, please feel free to fan me and vote if you feel I'm deserving. Thanks everyone!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Pins and Sinners
Upon browsing through my new favorite time-waster, Pinterest, after work today, I saw the same types of "pins" I usually see. Millions upon millions of wedding ideas, recipes, home decor inspiration, a quote to go with your every mood, and fun projects for the kids. I typically gloss over the wedding ideas as I have no interest in them. Same goes for anything involving children, or anything referring to "The Notebook" (puke). I like the recipes, the fashion, and the home ideas. I love quotes in general, especially when I can find one that means something to me. I find several of them irksome, however, one in particular states:
My question is this: Who is anyone to determine those to whom Karma should or shouldn't be a bitch? It's pretty presumptuous to assume that she has time to be at your beck and call anytime you want someone to suffer for something they have done to wrong you. (Yes, I am fairly certain Karma is female, otherwise we would say "Karma is a dickhead" or something unisex, like "asshole". Also, it may sound like I'm putting down my own gender, but the very idea of Karma's tendencies toward retaliation is clearly a female notion, as men typically don't give a crap.) If I next admit to disliking shoe shopping, I may have to officially surrender my "girl card".
When did I stop caring about things that socially define me as a female? There was a time when I had my hypothetical wedding planned right down to the "first dance" song ("Beautiful Girl" by Pete Droge and the Sinners). Of course this was back when I thought I might actually get married someday. Then my interest in the whole thing just dissolved and turned into a paralyzing fear of it actually happening to me. It could be because I worked for a divorce attorney for so long. I lost faith in the institution of marriage because my job was assisting with their demise. I became skeptical that love is real, and in the event it is real, it always ends badly (with a few exceptions, of course, there is always an exception to every rule). I am terrified to fall in love, because I would have to let someone get close enough to love me. Yet, at the same time, it's something I want very badly...eventually.
Pinterest has me cooking much more often (I can now do spectacular things with a chicken). I have access to an exercise for every single muscle in my body...I have read through all of them and I have every intention of actually trying some of them someday. I have countless ideas to either decorate the biggest house in the world, or completely renovate my house every three days. I even found a smoke detector shaped like a bird. In the mornings, as I am getting ready for work, taking the extra time to put on makeup and style my hair, all while typing out perfectly-spelled text messages, one of my favorite quotes runs through my mind. It is one I have subscribed to for years, and one that I actually have "pinned" on my new favorite time-waster:
"You can never be overdressed, or over-educated" ~Oscar Wilde
I may never get to have a board titled "It's A Nice Day For A White Wedding", but I swear, one day, I will make my own hammock and lemon cheesecake pancakes all in a single weekend.
"Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed"
My question is this: Who is anyone to determine those to whom Karma should or shouldn't be a bitch? It's pretty presumptuous to assume that she has time to be at your beck and call anytime you want someone to suffer for something they have done to wrong you. (Yes, I am fairly certain Karma is female, otherwise we would say "Karma is a dickhead" or something unisex, like "asshole". Also, it may sound like I'm putting down my own gender, but the very idea of Karma's tendencies toward retaliation is clearly a female notion, as men typically don't give a crap.) If I next admit to disliking shoe shopping, I may have to officially surrender my "girl card".
When did I stop caring about things that socially define me as a female? There was a time when I had my hypothetical wedding planned right down to the "first dance" song ("Beautiful Girl" by Pete Droge and the Sinners). Of course this was back when I thought I might actually get married someday. Then my interest in the whole thing just dissolved and turned into a paralyzing fear of it actually happening to me. It could be because I worked for a divorce attorney for so long. I lost faith in the institution of marriage because my job was assisting with their demise. I became skeptical that love is real, and in the event it is real, it always ends badly (with a few exceptions, of course, there is always an exception to every rule). I am terrified to fall in love, because I would have to let someone get close enough to love me. Yet, at the same time, it's something I want very badly...eventually.
Pinterest has me cooking much more often (I can now do spectacular things with a chicken). I have access to an exercise for every single muscle in my body...I have read through all of them and I have every intention of actually trying some of them someday. I have countless ideas to either decorate the biggest house in the world, or completely renovate my house every three days. I even found a smoke detector shaped like a bird. In the mornings, as I am getting ready for work, taking the extra time to put on makeup and style my hair, all while typing out perfectly-spelled text messages, one of my favorite quotes runs through my mind. It is one I have subscribed to for years, and one that I actually have "pinned" on my new favorite time-waster:
"You can never be overdressed, or over-educated" ~Oscar Wilde
I may never get to have a board titled "It's A Nice Day For A White Wedding", but I swear, one day, I will make my own hammock and lemon cheesecake pancakes all in a single weekend.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Take The Phone Off The Hook
Sometimes I get so overloaded with everyday stuff that I want to disappear. I want to escape from my job, and my house and this town. I imagine if I were ever in a position to just take off at a moment's notice, I would go somewhere peaceful and secluded like the ocean, or the mountains. Alone with my thoughts until I drove myself nuts and hopped the next flight back to civilization. While I do not know for certain, it is my assumption that I would not last more than a day or two.
Then again, maybe I'm wrong.
I am single, I don't have children, and I live alone. I also write a blog named after myself in which I talk about myself...incessantly. So, I admit I am excessivly self-absorbed. However, just because I am all of the aforementioned things, does not mean that I have any more time to spare than someone who is married or someone who has children. My priorities may be different, but they are still priorities, and they are important to me. I am self-absorbed, beause I am the only person in my life. Something I am not, however, is selfish. I actually enjoy giving my time and efforts to the people I love. I like to help in any way that I can...when I can.
I love my life, but I love it a lot more when things are pleasant. I am always grateful, but rarely satisfied. Billy Joel said "only fools are satisfied". I suppose that makes me a big one, because satisfaction is one of my ultimate goals in life. Contentment sounds like the most luxurious thing I could ever imagine. I hate drama, especially the unnecessary variety. You know, the kind that doesn't change the outcome of anything and only serves to make the present tedious and uncomfortable. Thankfully, I understand the concept of picking one's battles and not rocking the boat when it's unnecessary, but that doesn't stop me from having an emotional reaction to something that doesn't warrant an outburst. The only problem is that I tend to internalize that. I know it's not healthy, but I get so sick of listening to people complain about every little thing, and that just isn't me...even though I am kind of doing that very thing with this post. Writing about stuff that bothers me helps tremendously because I not only get to vent, but I get to turn my frustration into something that makes me happy and which fuels my passion.
For instance:
On the surface, it may seem as if I am merely writing a lighthearted blog about my disdain for yardwork, when actually I am writing about my frustration with my inability to keep a plant alive. My lack of interest for getting dirty and taking the time to fill a watering can. My irrational fear of bugs, especially those pesky spiders. The fact that I don't have somebody to work alongside me in the yard. For many, gardening is relaxing...an escape. For me, it's a chore and stressful...I gain more relaxation from writing. Through writing I can verbalize, in a sense, the things I am not able to speak out loud with eloquence. My fingers type as quickly as my brain thinks, but my mouth doesn't move with nearly the same swiftness.
I have lived in a small town and have been part of a very large family my entire life. Through this, I have discovered that unless one has the funds to physically leave the state or country, an escape is nearly impossible..especially since the advent of text messaging. I have discovered if I don't answer mine promptly, people think I'm dead. It is becoming evident to me that something created to make life easier has, in a way, ripped the very idea of any possibility of privacy from all of our hands...by putting it directly into them.
Then again, maybe I'm wrong.
I am single, I don't have children, and I live alone. I also write a blog named after myself in which I talk about myself...incessantly. So, I admit I am excessivly self-absorbed. However, just because I am all of the aforementioned things, does not mean that I have any more time to spare than someone who is married or someone who has children. My priorities may be different, but they are still priorities, and they are important to me. I am self-absorbed, beause I am the only person in my life. Something I am not, however, is selfish. I actually enjoy giving my time and efforts to the people I love. I like to help in any way that I can...when I can.
I love my life, but I love it a lot more when things are pleasant. I am always grateful, but rarely satisfied. Billy Joel said "only fools are satisfied". I suppose that makes me a big one, because satisfaction is one of my ultimate goals in life. Contentment sounds like the most luxurious thing I could ever imagine. I hate drama, especially the unnecessary variety. You know, the kind that doesn't change the outcome of anything and only serves to make the present tedious and uncomfortable. Thankfully, I understand the concept of picking one's battles and not rocking the boat when it's unnecessary, but that doesn't stop me from having an emotional reaction to something that doesn't warrant an outburst. The only problem is that I tend to internalize that. I know it's not healthy, but I get so sick of listening to people complain about every little thing, and that just isn't me...even though I am kind of doing that very thing with this post. Writing about stuff that bothers me helps tremendously because I not only get to vent, but I get to turn my frustration into something that makes me happy and which fuels my passion.
For instance:
On the surface, it may seem as if I am merely writing a lighthearted blog about my disdain for yardwork, when actually I am writing about my frustration with my inability to keep a plant alive. My lack of interest for getting dirty and taking the time to fill a watering can. My irrational fear of bugs, especially those pesky spiders. The fact that I don't have somebody to work alongside me in the yard. For many, gardening is relaxing...an escape. For me, it's a chore and stressful...I gain more relaxation from writing. Through writing I can verbalize, in a sense, the things I am not able to speak out loud with eloquence. My fingers type as quickly as my brain thinks, but my mouth doesn't move with nearly the same swiftness.
I have lived in a small town and have been part of a very large family my entire life. Through this, I have discovered that unless one has the funds to physically leave the state or country, an escape is nearly impossible..especially since the advent of text messaging. I have discovered if I don't answer mine promptly, people think I'm dead. It is becoming evident to me that something created to make life easier has, in a way, ripped the very idea of any possibility of privacy from all of our hands...by putting it directly into them.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Hold On Tight
I think any regular reader of "Stuff" is well aware by now that I like to recognize occasions. I have written many a blog post recognizing birthdays, holidays and deaths. The smallest thing can trigger a once long-forgotten memory and "boom" you have yet another random entry into the "Stuff" archives. Today is one of those occasions, as it marks one year since my very first post in which I finally bit the bullet and told you all about my fears...well, some of them.
I have grown quite a bit over the past year, due in large part to "Stuff". This blog has challenged me to expose myself, even at those times I'm not particularly comfortable with doing so. It has also brought back a lot of wonderful memories. Because of "Stuff", I have learned that I am not quite as unaffected as I tend to lead everyone to believe. I have discovered that with each security, I develop about five new insecurities. Going back to day one, I suppose I could liken this to killing one spider and having five more crawl out of the woodwork. I've added layers and now look at everything with more complexity than I ever did before. This is definitely a good thing, but if I'm not careful, it will surely drive me crazy someday.
I'm looking to set a slightly different tone for "Stuff" in her sophomore year. My aim is to remain true, but less cryptic. I'll try to spend less time dancing around subjects and tackle them head-on. My main goal has always been to be honest in every post, and I am proud to say I have succeeded. I have found, however, that when I'm not honest with myself, I can't be as open as I want to be with all of you. I plan to keep everyone updated (whether or not they actually care) with my quest to stay out of the plus size department. My trips down memory lane will not disappear, nor will I cease shoving this blog down your throats, and begging on my knees for you to share it with people in an effort to expand my audience. I am going to write about my goals and look to you all to hold me accountable when I stray from my path.
So, readers, it's been a wonderful year. Thank you for reading and I hope you look forward to many more tales of my childhood, me complaining about my wretched love life (or lack thereof), song quotes upon song quotes and lots of Cooper and Ruby updates. If you haven't done it yet, please remember what I requested of you one year ago, go kill a spider of your own. Don't allow your fears to prevent you from living, tackle them head-on. Once you've conquered something that has been hindering you, you'll be amazed at how easily your wings can unfurl.
I have grown quite a bit over the past year, due in large part to "Stuff". This blog has challenged me to expose myself, even at those times I'm not particularly comfortable with doing so. It has also brought back a lot of wonderful memories. Because of "Stuff", I have learned that I am not quite as unaffected as I tend to lead everyone to believe. I have discovered that with each security, I develop about five new insecurities. Going back to day one, I suppose I could liken this to killing one spider and having five more crawl out of the woodwork. I've added layers and now look at everything with more complexity than I ever did before. This is definitely a good thing, but if I'm not careful, it will surely drive me crazy someday.
I'm looking to set a slightly different tone for "Stuff" in her sophomore year. My aim is to remain true, but less cryptic. I'll try to spend less time dancing around subjects and tackle them head-on. My main goal has always been to be honest in every post, and I am proud to say I have succeeded. I have found, however, that when I'm not honest with myself, I can't be as open as I want to be with all of you. I plan to keep everyone updated (whether or not they actually care) with my quest to stay out of the plus size department. My trips down memory lane will not disappear, nor will I cease shoving this blog down your throats, and begging on my knees for you to share it with people in an effort to expand my audience. I am going to write about my goals and look to you all to hold me accountable when I stray from my path.
So, readers, it's been a wonderful year. Thank you for reading and I hope you look forward to many more tales of my childhood, me complaining about my wretched love life (or lack thereof), song quotes upon song quotes and lots of Cooper and Ruby updates. If you haven't done it yet, please remember what I requested of you one year ago, go kill a spider of your own. Don't allow your fears to prevent you from living, tackle them head-on. Once you've conquered something that has been hindering you, you'll be amazed at how easily your wings can unfurl.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)