Everyday we have shoved in our faces tools which serve to make us feel as inadequate as possible. Commercials, the news, the internet, magazines; even more confusing are the messages mixed within imploring us to love ourselves for who we are, unaltered. What are people to think? The vanity of society is completley over-the-top and ridiculous. People are becoming robots in their quests to conform to the overly-specific standards of society. We've become a strictly visual world in which personality and intelligence don't really matter all that much. It seems as if everything is geared toward shoving humankind in the direction of weak-mindedness and pliability.
We are not entitled to a tomorrow, yet we choose to waste valuable time; time in which we should be living and loving and appreciating all life has to offer; ignoring all the untapped resources at our fingertips just for the sake of vanity. If you think about it that way, isn't it all just a little disgusting?
I'm not excluding myself from this pool, of course. I buy fancy creams for my face and I'm very particular about my clothing. I covet my Coach purse and long for the day I can afford one of those fancy flat screen televisions and a new laptop. Right now, I'm growing out my hair, which a couple months ago was a super edgy pixie cut, and I'm going insane. I don't feel pretty with it in this "in-between" stage. If that's not vanity, I don't know what is.
The truth is that we all know true beauty is on the inside, every single one of us. The problem is taking the time and making the effort to find it. It's so much easier to look at the outer shell and say, "Yeah, that. I want that." We're all shallow in one way or another. I love fashion, and hair, and men with beards. I wake up every morning saying to myself, "try not to eat today, because if you don't lose weight, nobody is ever going to love you." It feels ludicrous to even type, but I'm only being honest, and I'm willing to bet everyone has something that makes them feel inadequate compared to all other people.
There really isn't a correct answer to behavior for this sort of thing. Some of us are simply more vain than others. I see it in the showing off of monetary possessions in an effort to gain acceptance from people we don't even know. Those people aren't wrong, they're just lacking in confidence. I'm not delusional about my appearance or my lack of monetary wealth, but I'm not going to stop covering my gray roots and slathering my face with anti-aging cream every night. I'm probably always going to feel irrationally unattractive in regards to my weight. I'm only now starting to gain confidence in my writing and it has been my passion for as long as I can remember.
What I can say, at least about myself, is that I fully understand I'll always be a little vain, a little pretentious and a little self-conscious. These characteristics are the things that make me who I am, no matter how maddening it can be at times for myself and others. In light of that, I suppose it wouldn't do much good to be unaccepting of the shortcomings of others either. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll always heed the suggestion of that realization.
It seems we're all expected to live up to very specific standards when all anyone really needs to do in life is be confident, work hard, and be nice...but not too nice. Instead we're being encouraged to take shortcuts which empty our bank accounts and rarely serve to fulfill us in the way that truly working hard and earning something should. As I said before, I don't feel there exists any true answer to this conundrum, just as there exists no 100% correct political party. The expectations of society drive me to improve myself, but the ridiculousness of them keep me grounded and aware that I should never stray too far from the person I truly am.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Fear
The very first post I wrote for "Stuff" highlighted the concept of fear (for that post click here!). At the time it was as simple as convincing myself to kill huge (tiny) spider, instead of calling my dad to drive over and kill it for me. I shared my terror at publishing a couple paragraphs of mindless blathering for the public to read, just because I was afraid people would hate the things I had to say. I've learned since then, that once you conquer a fear, more of them seem to crop up, and then tend to be bigger than the ones you've already overcome.
For example, instead of coming home from dinner with friends to find a giant (little) spider blocking your doorway (minding its own business nowhere near the door handle), you come home to find an opossum in your kitchen.
Yes, an opossum...but that's a story for another time (when I finally reach the point of finding the whole experience as funny as everybody else does).
When I first posted "Killing the Spider", I was so far away from even beginning to write a book, I would have never imagined that almost a year later I'd have one published. Not only that, but people would want to buy it, and read it, and ask for me to sign it (I seriously find myself almost giddy when someone asks me to sign their copy of "Wiener Brain"). The day I submitted the finalized manuscript, I was a nervous wreck. I was terrified I was making a huge mistake. What if nobody bought it? I wouldn't be out any money, but I'd have failed at the one thing in which I've always dreamed of succeeding. What if people bought it, but hated it? I envisioned myself walking down the streets of my town and being pelted with teal and pink books while people screamed at me for their money back (overdramatic?).
The point I'm trying to make, is that fear will only hold you back from living a fulfilling life. It's really really hard to face the things that scare you the most. Oftentimes, you'll find that you were afraid for nothing at all. I didn't want to go back down to my basement after I shut the opossum in there. Even after he was trapped and removed from the premises, I would start shaking and having a panic attack every time I had to go downstairs to do laundry. I had another perfectly logical (overdramatic) vision of a family of opossums attacking me from behind as I leaned over to get a load of towels from the dryer. The fact remains, however, that you have to wash your clothes, and your bedding, and your towels. Otherwise, people won't want to be around you, because you'll smell bad.
Doing something that scares the crap out of you is one hell of a great feeling. Victory feels good. I still have many fears to conquer, but I have time. I learn from each one. I recently wrote about my fear of letting someone special into my life, and how I'm not particularly interest in finding anyone at the moment. I know it's fear keeping me from desiring companionship. Fear of letting someone in so they can hurt me. So that one is still going to take a little time as it's not only fear holding me back, but lack of faith. We're all a work in progress, I guess.
Tomorrow morning, I face an entirely new experience which scares me to death. A classroom of elementary school children.
Wish me luck!
For example, instead of coming home from dinner with friends to find a giant (little) spider blocking your doorway (minding its own business nowhere near the door handle), you come home to find an opossum in your kitchen.
Yes, an opossum...but that's a story for another time (when I finally reach the point of finding the whole experience as funny as everybody else does).
When I first posted "Killing the Spider", I was so far away from even beginning to write a book, I would have never imagined that almost a year later I'd have one published. Not only that, but people would want to buy it, and read it, and ask for me to sign it (I seriously find myself almost giddy when someone asks me to sign their copy of "Wiener Brain"). The day I submitted the finalized manuscript, I was a nervous wreck. I was terrified I was making a huge mistake. What if nobody bought it? I wouldn't be out any money, but I'd have failed at the one thing in which I've always dreamed of succeeding. What if people bought it, but hated it? I envisioned myself walking down the streets of my town and being pelted with teal and pink books while people screamed at me for their money back (overdramatic?).
The point I'm trying to make, is that fear will only hold you back from living a fulfilling life. It's really really hard to face the things that scare you the most. Oftentimes, you'll find that you were afraid for nothing at all. I didn't want to go back down to my basement after I shut the opossum in there. Even after he was trapped and removed from the premises, I would start shaking and having a panic attack every time I had to go downstairs to do laundry. I had another perfectly logical (overdramatic) vision of a family of opossums attacking me from behind as I leaned over to get a load of towels from the dryer. The fact remains, however, that you have to wash your clothes, and your bedding, and your towels. Otherwise, people won't want to be around you, because you'll smell bad.
Doing something that scares the crap out of you is one hell of a great feeling. Victory feels good. I still have many fears to conquer, but I have time. I learn from each one. I recently wrote about my fear of letting someone special into my life, and how I'm not particularly interest in finding anyone at the moment. I know it's fear keeping me from desiring companionship. Fear of letting someone in so they can hurt me. So that one is still going to take a little time as it's not only fear holding me back, but lack of faith. We're all a work in progress, I guess.
Tomorrow morning, I face an entirely new experience which scares me to death. A classroom of elementary school children.
Wish me luck!
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